Saci mata heard many rumors about Lord Caitanya going to accept sannyasa. She was burning in pain of imminent separation and was constantly crying. She did not eat or sleep for days nut she didn’t say a word to her son Nimai.
Nimai was everything for her. She had eight daughters who all died at a very young age. After that Jagannath Misra and Sacimata got a beautiful son who left home at a young age and accepted sannyasa and later on she never heard a word about him. Her husband passed away and all she had was her son Nimai. She was completely dependent upon Him.
When Vishvarupa left and eight daughters died everyone was aggrieved but that grief was not material. When a Vaishnava dies it is a celebration but it’s also a time of pathetic separation. That pathetic separation is based on truth, it’s based on knowledge, it elevates one’s consciousness, it increases our love and increases our eternal relationship with that person and with Krishna, who we are loving through the Vaishnavas. The tears of separation between the two Vaishnavas, when it’s based on knowledge and truth, is one of the most elevated and one of the most purifying of all spiritual experiences.
Saci mata was 67 years old and at such an elderly state she will also have the responsibility of Vishnupriya. Spiritually Nimai was the sole proprietor of her heart. It was practically impossible for her to survive without Nimai. Thinking of her son becoming a sannyasi she would go door-to-door asking about Nimai. No one knew what to tell her.
“The tears of separation between the two Vaishnavas, when it’s based on knowledge and truth, is one of the most elevated and one of the most purifying of all spiritual experiences”
Seeing His mother’s state Lord Caitanya approached her and asked her if there was something wrong. Saci Devi pleaded Nimai to not take sannyasa. She told him that simply by looking at Him she maintains her life. And what will happen to young Vishnupriya? She is just a teenage girl. She requested Him to stay with His loving associates, perform kirtan and stay happily in Navadwip. Saci mata spoke these words and ultimately she fell to the ground weeping uncontrollably. As she wept and trembled, she said, “Nimai, I will take poison and end my life, so that I will never have to hear the news of Your taking sannyasa.”
Lord Gauranga gazed at her, with such deep love, gratitude and affection He said, “My mother, I will never leave you. You are My mother birth after birth after birth.” Lord told her that in all previous incarnations she was His mother and He was her son. Lord told her that, “I promise you this, that whenever you think of Me, you will see Me within your heart. Whenever you cook for Me, you will feel My presence taking the Prasad, you have prepared. I will not abandon you. But, for the sake of suffering humanity, I must do this. Please give me your permission.”
Being enchanted by the words of Nimai, Sacimata gave her permission. But as soon as she finished giving permission, she fell to the ground crying again.